I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I currently don't understand fingers.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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