soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
