He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
