I puked a lego.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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