didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
someone threw a dead crab at me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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