Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
