So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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