he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize