Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
