he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
