I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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