AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
