speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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