Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
