he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
