At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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