I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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