the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
