i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
