dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
