it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's Friday. Sex?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
