I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
