Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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