Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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