I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
