but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
