she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
