After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
