Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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