too bad you live with your parents still
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want to make out with him forever
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
