She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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