the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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