I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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