Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize