I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize