i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
