There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
