ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
