Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
