i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
