I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
