I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
