i just google imaged poop.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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