You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
