Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
