I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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