You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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