a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
