Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
