awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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