Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
