I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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