I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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