walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
