i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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