Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
