we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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