Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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