Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
