sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
