I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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