i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
