Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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