Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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