Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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