Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
