Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
