Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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