ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
