Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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