I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize