dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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