u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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