Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
