I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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