Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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