How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
