My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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