He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
