Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
