i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
