Pants 0. Shit 1.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
