My liver just broke up with me...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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