East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
